by Kevin Angell, for the ManKind Project of New England publication Smudge Stick, Spring 2008

Before his awakening, the world is all about the man. After his awakening, the man is all about the world.

The Boys to Men organization will look familiar to New Warriors. It was founded in San Diego ten years ago by 2 New Warriors. The network has steadily grown to include a number of centers across North America and, in September 2007, a center in South Africa. A New England center is forming now, with space for you. Between an initiation weekend and twice-monthly group experiences, the program provides a safe place for a transformational awakening to a teenager’s soul—to his essential authenticity and to the man he might become.

The teenager’s experience

The program is designed for the teenage boy between the ages of 12 and 17. The teenager begins his experience by attending a Rites of Passage Adventure Weekend (ROPAW) where a boy is initiated into a Journeyman, or “JMan.” After his weekend, the JMan meets twice each month with the JMen and mentors in his JGroup. At one of the monthly meetings, the JMen and mentors form a container and do some work. The other meeting is mostly about having fun and is also open to interested teens and men. A teen who is psychologically healthy will awaken quickly to his life’s work. We will help him grow by giving him a safe space to complete his metamorphosis from child to man. His adult years will be spent experimenting with, advancing, then perfecting his work of living in his mission. The healthy teen already balances himself as a young version of the Whole Man: he is attuned to his body, lives in integrity with himself and his communities, is skilled at conflict resolution, is ready to peer into the Darkness and develop the healing energies of the East, and as a healthy Prince he is ready to develop whatever King energy that he might carry. This young man has been loved for who he is and has been allowed to be himself. He already has considerable understanding of his places both in his communities and in the natural world.

Then there are the rest of us! (“Kevin, can you make that an I statement?”)

As New Warriors, we understand how hard it is live the lives that we know are waiting for us. As clear as our missions might be, many obstacles might stand in our way. MKP provides spaces where we can work to get our lives on the paths we seek. But we often spend years doing “remedial work,” learning to give ourselves the unconditional love we never got. We must turn back the clock to “unlearn” the tainted lessons and habits that hold us back. Much like our work in MKP, one of the ambitions of Boys to Men is to provide spaces to help teens find their paths while they are young and the obstacles are both fewer and somewhat easier to clear.

My experience as a mentor

Most broadly, the mentor’s role is walk next to the JMen on their roads to authenticity. We refer to two acronyms: LAAMB and FRAP. Our job is to Listen, Accept, Admire, Model and Bless. We do our best to avoid Fixing, Repairing, Advising or Projecting upon the JMen. Mentors who know men’s work are often the most helpful. They know the path. They are likely to have experienced an awakening themselves, and they understand many of the tasks necessary to grow into mature masculinity. They typically understand projection and shadow so they can be on the watch.

For me, mentoring has been a magnificent stretch. I cannot imagine any activity that will help me grow any faster. I sometimes have to stifle a laugh when I tell people that we mentors model the mature masculine. Most of the time I remember to make it an I statement and also insert the phrase “try to model maturity.” The JMen with whom I have worked are great mirrors onto whom I frequently project my own stuff. It took awhile, but now I often catch myself. Because they are teenagers, I get to immerse myself in their joyful energy and exuberance. Being with them makes me feel young!

One of my observations that is most significant to me is seeing (and remembering) how quickly a boy grows into adulthood. Within only a few years, a man grows from a little boy to an adult who is making adult, life-impacting decisions. I see that seemingly trivial, random events can shape a man, possibly forever: an impulsive act of service so impacts a teen that he grows into a marvelous Warrior. Or, getting caught in some indiscretion so deeply brands a teenage as a troublemaker that a sweet, innocent boy is shoved into and limited to the role of thug. As a mentor, I can possibly help broaden the impact of the positives and minimize the hurt of the negatives.

The opportunity for you: step up! Know fear!

Stepping into the role of mentor was truly scary. Being in the role of mentor is mostly easy and fun. I’ve heard enough men repeat the same story that it must be true: men are afraid of teenagers because they threaten to remind us of our own teenage years. It was true for me. If it rings true for you, too, take a chance! Stepping through my fear has helped me “unlearn” many stories I used to tell myself that aren’t true. I am open to seeing teens as young men who are doing their best to stand in the world of men. Walking with them is one of the finest experiences that I have enjoyed. I believe you can have this experience, too.

There are many other roles for those who want to help but don’t care to mentor. We need help with fund raising, administration, legal and accounting support, leaders to design, organize and run our events and we especially need help finding mentors.

II hope you and your friends will step up!